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We all heal in relationship to one another.

First, I want to thank you guys for reading this.

These are the words that I spoke last Wednesday evening on my solo episode of AlphaFemme Goes Live.


Last week I was prepared to do a segment on a quote I made a few weeks ago stating “As you approach your edges, soften,” but life and the collective has brought me here to a new place.

And honestly, my first thoughts, "How could I possibly put words to the state of things right now?"

Well, I can’t fully, but, I’m going to try my best at it, so here it goes...

I can feel how deep the collective is hurting right now, but I don't understand, there is no way that I possibly could. Despite the state of the world, the collective emotions, and the stress I feel, I personally still feel safe to be a young, white female.

I am blessed to be able to navigate my nervous system and my physiology enough to a feel a sense of safety. I realize, THIS IN ITSELF IS A PRIVILEGE.

Before last week, I never even thought of that being a privilege.

I just thought it was representative of the personal growth that I have made over time.

But after reading, researching, and listening to a number of voices, I realize, HOLY SHIT, the fact that I have the capacity to not only survive, but THRIVE, and soothe my internal state is a privilege and how dare I mute myself. I have a voice that can be used to offer tools of safety and internal navigation to those who are not as lucky as I am.


I think internal safety is truly at the root of this issue. Some BIPOC individuals have never had internal safety provided for them. They may have always been trying to create it, but by existing within a social structure that always asks more of them, find themselves unable to have it.

Creating safe relationships and community with other safe humans is what creates collective ripples of change.

When we can drop our judgements about how we “should be” or how others “should be", it teaches others that they are safe to be who they are in their essence.

For my patients and clients, our relationship is sometimes the first space in their life that they’ve felt truly seen and heard for who they are.

The product of that relationship is extremely healing.

I’m a big fan of Jordan Peterson’s quote, “If you want to change the world, start with yourself and work outwards.” I love this quote because when you feel safe and grounded in who you are, you can start to see people in a different light. You no longer have to project insecurities outwards, because you have a deep knowing in your cells that you are safe in who you are. When you are connecting and engaging from that place of safety, you seek social connection, you’re curious, you’re engaged, and you desire to meet people exactly where they are and again...we all heal in relationship to one another.


That leads me to talk about our inability to stay grounded in who we are.

We don’t know how to collectively heal because we don’t know how to sort out what is truly ours and what is the unconscious narrative of generations of oppressive beliefs.

Our society is very driven by the masculine energy (doing, devotion to learning) (the up and out action energy) and I understand our need for it, but we've created an imbalance. If we are not grounded in ourselves, that masculine energy can truly become a toxic place where change cannot exist.

How many of you felt the obsessive need to take in information yesterday?

Yes. It is our responsibility to learn and act, BUT our brain has a limited capacity for intake before what we are taking in no longer has intention.

Our brain is a very plastic structure and over time we can take in a lot of information, but, we need time and we need space.

Stopping generational oppression does not and will not change over night, and it won’t change by overloading your system with material followed by no action.

We need to pull in our feminine energy.

Males AND females right now NEED our feminine energy.

Our energy to RECEIVE.

I’m not talking about superficial level reception like reading 20 BIPOC posts on Instagram because we “should” do that. Im talking about tuning into the sensations of our bodies when we read something new or when we hear a new perspective and receiving what our body is telling us about it?

Our bodies are built for efficiency and survival, but when we are overloaded with material, our cognitive structures will unconsciously revert back to the beliefs and narratives that are the easiest to process. These default beliefs have lied unconsciously within our DNA for generations.

We unconsciously habituate back to our collectively damaged rationalizations and judgements about others.

Instead of the obsessive intake of information, maybe try pausing after you take in a new perspective and ask yourself, "How does this land in my body? Do I have resistance to this? Am I escaping the signals my body is telling me?"

In numbing and escaping our bodies, we close the door to expansion because to truly expand, we must first go down and into ourselves to come up and out to make positive changes.


WHITE PEOPLE, I’m calling you out.

Stop taking in content just to simply take in content.

Intentionally receive the message from your BIPOC brothers and sisters.

Let it marinade in your soul and in your cells.

It’s going to feel uncomfortable.

You’re going to most likely feel the WHOLE spectrum of emotions.


Please, before you act, take time and space to integrate.


Personally, I felt a lot of guilt over the past few days. I also felt shame that my race has carried this collective oppression for generations. But, what has been the most helpful thing for me has been discerning what beliefs are mine, and what beliefs are not mine.

I believe in the equality for all human beings.

I am not the belief systems of my ancestors.

I am not the belief systems of certain white people that live in hate.

I believe we are all here experiencing life to build relationship and connect.

That animal instinct goes deeper than skin color.


Numbing, overdoing, and “should"ing yourself to death will not help you.

You must receive and stay grounded so that you feel safe enough to discern what is yours and what is the belief patterns of collective.

The groundedness that comes with embodiment and the female energy of receiving is POWERFUL.

Do not fall for the belief that superficial sources of power are only represented by the government, violence, or systematic control. These are all illusions of power.

True power comes from the human spirit. Being in YOUR essence and having the courage to NOT quiet your soul, let it sing, let it stay rooted in whats true for you and for the humanity of all humans.


Where your shame lies will be the place where your truth will be the hardest to unearth.

Shame can exist due to generations before you holding onto racism and using privilege as a pedestal.

I cannot say what is right for you, but, I also cannot collapse right now.

I can stand in anger, fear, grief, sadness AND still hold and speak truth for the hope for the future, because this is not about my personal validation…it’s much much deeper. It’s breaking generations of oppression and racism through your relationship to yourself and to others.


It is a privilege to feel safe in my own body. Absolutely.

But what can I do with that?

I anchor myself in what I know to be true and invite others to join me in that safety.

I create relationships and conversations rooted in connection and love.

Safe relationships show people unconditional love, maybe for the first time ever.

We can teach others that racism may be a collective belief, but it is not mine.

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